"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours."
— Ayn Rand (Atlas Shrugged)
The not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at all. I was thinking about this quote and I am not sure if I am just completely wrapped up in the beautiful complexity of its writing, or if it actually means something? If nothing else Ann Rand always had a lot to say, just look at the size of her books.... but she she does hold her position in literature for a reason.
These past few weeks I have been running around, with not much going on. In fact, I can't think of any other time in my life when I have had this little to do. I spent last week laying on a wicker chair on a screened in porch, reading. The humidity was thick, but the characters in my story spent most of their time complaining about the summer heat, so really all the temperature did was draw me deeper into my book. That and make me refill my glass every 20 minutes. Did anyone know that ice could melt so fast?
But the reading really got to me. The way that words on paper can truly change how you feel or look at something. The book I was reading turned out to have a terrible ending, however, at the end, I was still completely in love with it. Half because the story was so good, but the other half because the language was just so darn beautiful. Descriptive and pretty, and wordy yes, but with a bit of persistence on my part to get used to the style, I was transported to a world that didn't require a limitation of what my eyes could see, but instead allowed my imagination to create a vast picture of whatever I wanted the story to look like.
And as I sat there on the patio, reading... I knew that at some point in the next few months, my life has to begin. As much as I love it, I can't stay out on the patio reading all day. My back begins to hurt from lying down and I have to get a real job.
So that is where I am now. What do I want in my life? It sometimes feels like all of those things that I used to want, I might still, but I am not quite sure.
Enter this idea: "The thing is there is never a time when you will be more honest, and your convictions will be more stronger, and your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means chase
whatever excites you." Now, this can be horrible advice if you are chasing something bad... but on the contrary, if you are chasing something positive, I see no reason for it not to be true.
You can't let yourself be discouraged by the missed attempts and the failures and the uncertainties of different ideas and dreams. If you want something, do it. What you want can exist and the only think keeping us from reaching these far off worlds of success is the lack of belief in what we think that we can do. Sure this sounds a bit new age, but by if we can just stop for a minute and think of all the things that could go right if we follow what we want to do, rather than breaking ourselves down piece by piece, or in her words, spark by spark, until there is nothing left, we can be building a fire towards our dreams rather and putting them out.
Just a thought.